ambivalence

Sometimes we just want to delete few things in our own lives, thinking we might have lived it better....but do we really? aren't they a part of what we are today?

why do we want to forget these people...is it because we are still in pain? but then again, the ambivalent thing about it is, why do we still want to be so much a part of their lives knowing that we or they fucked up? why are we still related, knowing that the communication already has ended? why are we still affected hearing that they hurt, they are out there happy but lonely?

why do we care so much? is it because we just want to meddle with their life? is it because we are control freaks? is it because we enjoy the thrill of chase, is it because you don't want the friendship to die or it is because we just want the best thing for them even when you know you will never be a part of their success anymore...you just want to stand from afar and cheer for them and be proud that once you were a part of that person.

but do they care? No!!! They don't know, so why do we care? we explicitly ignore them, but they simply eat your thoughts.