Trust

The most important factor in any relationship. To be nerdy and oh so analogical; relationships are like a video game. You start at the bottom with little or no information. As you make your way through dungeons and forests, or levels and stages, you earn points or power or any substance that helps you progress further into the game. You battle opponents both small and large and some can even be considered bosses: The big baddies. If you are able to defeat them, you earn more of that substance. Trials and tribulations are those dungeons and forests. Exes and wrongdoers are the opponents. Trust is that substance. In order for a relationship to grow stronger, you must earn their trust.

Nobody turns to a stranger and says "I have insane explosive diarrhea and occasionally can be found tied up as a gimp while my girlfriend whips me" and manages to find a new best friend. Unless they're a freak. And so are you. (And no, I don't have explosive diarrhea. As for being a gimp...well leather is kind of comfortable. SIKE!JK) We don't start off that way. Because the fact is we all have a side we're afraid to show someone else for fear they may a)reject us or b)ridicule us. It is only through many experiences and connections can we truly be at peace with ourselves to share our deepest darkest secrets.

In my mind, there are pretty much four levels of trust:

- Acquaintance: Someone you are familiar with. A person you might see every now and then but actually have very little knowledge of their past, their present or their possible future. And likewise, they neither know yours.
- Friend: Someone you enjoy being around. It may or may not be often but the experience is usually joyous when you do. A person you've spoken to a number of times and have broken through that acquaintance wall.
- Confidant: A person who knows your past, your present and your sought out future. The person you usually turn to when in need or seek help from. They are your brethren, your kindred spirits. Someone you see as a life long friend.
- Soul Mate: Your significant other. Someone who has delved deep into your soul. Someone who knows you truly for who you are and loves every part of it. A person who does not give and expect to receive and thus who has no ulterior motive other than to enjoy your happiness along with theirs.

For most people, they usually have a cap or limit as to how much they are willing to trust someone. A glass ceiling so to speak. Most are acquaintances, some are friends, fewer are confidants. And there can only be one soul mate.

But what happens if trust is broken? It is a rough road back to stability if that moment ever arrives. When I picture it, I symbolize trust as a rope. It starts off as one thread. It's thin, lanky and easy to break. But then it begins to weave together with others. Soon there are layers, hundreds of threads wrapped around each other making it more and more difficult to sever. Eventually, thousands. And it is nearly indestructible. But it isn't.

The problem with trust is that when it is broken at the confidant and soul mate level, it usually results in anarchy. Destruction of the mind, body and spirit. It is truly one of the most painful experiences a person can go through and it usually invokes a change of character when all is said and done. And almost always, the change is contempt. Not for others but for the feeling. It frightens people to experience it again. So much so that they begin to close off certain levels of trust. They build walls around their heart and minds. It becomes locked away, sheltered by a huge fortress. And they become distrusting.

This is the path to the dark side. LOL couldn't resist. I read my own writing very dramatically.

But that's how most people become and you can't blame them. I'm not like that; I can't be. I'm optimistic and light hearted. I like to believe that all the risks of being hurt are always worth the joy of being loved. And you know what? They always are.